Back on the Train
Back on the Train
posted by Olivia Mistelle Maxell March 22, 2010
The creation of Falling From Trains came after being told my general opinion and views needed to be elaborated on a more “acceptable” forum rather than Facebook, Myspace or Twitter. I still don’t agree with the general consensus concerning which of the three forums are appropriate and which isn’t considering they're mediums which we're encouraged to express our individuality. (or in some cases, lack thereof) The particular situation in question which gave me the opportunity to create an alternative venue to publish my manifestation of thought about life, politics, entertainment, and religion came as a result of my arrogance.
I basically pushed my opinion on another’s Facebook status concerning my unease with his belief God will cure cancer one day. More so I was upset with the presented rationalization that until this miracle comes to pass, all the ones who will and have died from cancer are just casualties of God’s Will or ‘big plan’. I should have let the comment go because it wasn’t appropriate given the circumstance of the individual’s mom passing away from breast cancer. It was just a statement he put on his wall about his hope for a cure. My extreme ego felt the need to question this person’s religious beliefs and I think in hindsight my rebuttal was a result of some old misplaced anger. Afterward, I was given the advice to create my own space to center my opinions. Thus: Falling From Trains was born.
The site wasn’t about becoming famous in the blog world but was just looking to find others like me. I never really felt a belonging in any group I’ve stumbled upon. I knew there had to be others that identified with this since of isolation of sorts.
Examples: A) I’m fluid in my sexuality and a large number of lesbians and straights have their own prejudices concerning bisexuality. I just think of it as being open to the possibility of love no matter the gender. B ) I believe in a higher power (maybe), but never was able to fit in with religion and trust me I tried. C) I have more liberal political views but find myself being more independent as of late.
So, you can see I’m literally the ugly duckling I wrote about in, The Ugly Duckling Syndrome; migrating from group to group trying to find my home.
I had finally had a platform to be myself. I went off on extreme liberal rants about republicans, religion, and the ‘evil conservative right-wing extremist agenda,’ and felt a sense of release that all the frustration for the state of the world was put into cyberspace for others to read.
Then my brother had to go and fuck it all up!
He sent me a message via Facebook with a subject line which read, “Starting to worry about you kid.” He went on to compare my writing to the likes of ‘right-winged extremist with a different agenda.' What?! I thought. I’m fighting for what’s right and I’m nothing like those extreme-right wing nutsacks! How dare he compare me to them! I was offended and deflated. I relish my big brother’s opinion because I’ve always looked up to him, plus he’s a highly intelligent man.
He was right and I acted defensive and patronizing in my response. He wasn’t gentle in his observation so it stung somewhat, but I put away all that to discover the underlying point he was trying to make.
I stepped back and took a good look at myself. Fortunately, my blinders opened and I saw no difference in my extreme measures of delivering my opinions as compared the methods extremist of any kind use in their push for a cause. I didn’t objectively look at the situation but just always slanted toward the left because it what’s to be expected of me as a sexual liberal, right?
Ugh...no.
What the fuck had I become? What did I truly believe and did I have the courage to challenge what I always perceived as ‘right’? Was I ready to think for myself and face the consequences of not fitting in with my fellow liberals? Was I going to be able to release myself from the noose of conformity and breathe in free thought no matter what political or personal line it may cross for some? Was I prepared to step outside the extremity lines of the ‘us vs. them’ war of words and revive my individuality and think for myself?
Yes. I had no choice but pack my bags and jump off this particular train of thought into a more vast scope of objectivity.
After realizing I couldn’t face the consequence of not pursuing my own point-of-views I changed the tone of Trains and made the decision to write in a less bias manner of sorts but still stick to my style and evolving opinions…no matter who it offended.
Even if it meant pissing off those I once advocated so fiercely against and alongside.
I love them!
I love them!
Now, I still write with fire when necessary. I don’t agree with prejudice and any injustice against a group of individuals or laws that strip civil liberties in the name of God and religion. But now, I try to be objective and gather both sides with all facts instead of blindly throwing my metaphorical punches around.
What? It's true!
So, I’m back on the Train. We’ll see where it takes me this time and what lesson the next fall will teach.
Thanks for reading!
Posted by Olivia Mistelle Mistelle at Sunday, March 21, 2010 1:14 PM 
Categories: life,politics,healthcare
Tags: belonging racists obama extreme conservatism healthcare reform wanda sykes right-wing agenda back on the train PUMA olivia mistelle maxell bigots lgbt community hbo extreme liberalism john lewis don't ask don't tell dixie chicks real time with bill maher jesus hillary clinton
Categories: life,politics,healthcare
Tags: belonging racists obama extreme conservatism healthcare reform wanda sykes right-wing agenda back on the train PUMA olivia mistelle maxell bigots lgbt community hbo extreme liberalism john lewis don't ask don't tell dixie chicks real time with bill maher jesus hillary clinton
Right on!
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So my arrogance led to your temperance. Its about time it did someone some good, ha ha.
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"The site wasn’t about becoming famous in the blog world but was just looking to find others like me. I never really felt a belonging in any group I’ve stumbled upon. I knew there had to be others that identified with this sense of isolation of sorts."
"So, you can see I’m literally the ugly duckling I wrote about in, The Ugly Duckling Syndrome; migrating from group to group trying to find my home."
I'm with you sister, but now I realize I don't have to search for a home, per se...everywhere that I am, I am HOME.
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