The Ugly Duckling Syndrome
written by Olivia Mistelle Maxell December 29, 2009
This proverb has stuck with me since the first time I heard it.
Are we really like the people we surround ourselves with, or are we the ugly duckling moving from one group of people to the next, trying to find our true selves? (home) Do we migrate to situations with certain people and continue to feel as though we don’t belong? Do we continue to be screwed over and rejected by our naïve sense of the world? Do we surround ourselves with shallow, fake, insecure people, and grown to accept this behavior in others and ourselves, because we feel being alone is worse? Have we blinded our instincts, and numbed our feelers only to reach out in dark places to get bite, stung, or even burned?
The ugly duckling is born and later transforms into a beautiful swan. What about the time in between the “perceived” undesirable psychical beauty and the graceful elegant loveliness? Where does this ugly duckling belong?
The answer—No where. That’s the point. We find ourselves through rejection, insecurity, prejudice, friendship, hardship, hatred, heartbreak, achievement, and love—by accepting the bad and good of oneself and loving who you are in spite of your shortcomings. That’s when true beauty emerges.
Through, pulling back my blinders, and an on going journey of self awareness, acceptance, and accountability, I’m noticing how many ugly ducklings out there, that have given up finding their true selves and settled into homes with people that are less than desirable. People that hurt for the sake of satisfying their broken hearts. Individuals that respond and react to a fake sensibility, and reject anything different out of fear of losing a sense of belonging. People that prey on the weak in order to never feel helpless again.
People that don’t support emotional and spiritual growth, but suffocate it with materialistic ideals. We have all been guilty of some of this, but some didn’t settle in, but moved on. If you’re gay, and you have straight friends that believe in the hype about everything in the bible as gospel or don’t support gay marriages, step back and think about this. They may hang out with you and not openly show judgment, but how can you be friends with someone that believes you’re going to hell for being gay or not deserving of the very human civil rights, they enjoy? "Have no friends not equal to yourself." Confucius I should add, there are some Jesus followers that don’t agree with the verse in Leviticus that employs hate and bigotry, so I’m not speaking for all of them.
What I’m trying to say is: If you haven’t found your home yet, then keep looking, but don’t give up or settle in to anything less, because of this idea that being alone is far worse. Being alone has its benefits and helps you get to know what and who you are, so you can emerge with a Swan like acceptance of your inner beauty.
Thank's for reading.
*Reference: Woman Who Run With the Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Ph.D (READ THIS BOOK!)
Posted by Olivia Mistelle Mistelle at Tuesday, December 29, 2009 3:38 PM 
Categories: belonging,relationships,life,friendships
Tags: confucius syndrome beautiful belonging Swan japanese ugly Olivia Mistelle Maxell swan prey Women Who Run With The Wolves friends
Categories: belonging,relationships,life,friendships
Tags: confucius syndrome beautiful belonging Swan japanese ugly Olivia Mistelle Maxell swan prey Women Who Run With The Wolves friends
Just had a conversation about this the other day...having a relationship with myself (not necessarily the masturbation kind). Knowing my weaknesses and accepting them makes me unafraid to show them to the people in my life. They're there because they accept me and so should I.
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There's a sales method that states, "talk about the elephant in the room" to gain trust with the potential client or whomever is buying something from you. Talk about the weakness of the product, that is obvious to the buyer, BUT also talk about the strengths and how it can benefit them and/or their company. Everything has a weakness, but accepting it ultimately becomes one's strength, because not many out there are willing to admit they are weak in any aspect of themselves.
You're like my first dollar bill, comment! I'll shall hang you from my wall--
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I really enjoyed reading this. I have been single and abstinent by choice for over 2 years. At first because I wanted nothing to do with any complications, and then because I realized I could finally start to be more quiet outside, and inside, and think.
I have never needed a body next to me. I have not felt lonely in that area, in fact, it's been nice. I realize I like my space.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about actually starting to like someone again.
I've been trying hard to better myself, but I know I have a lot of work to do still.
I really appreciate this topic, Olivia.
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